Two blondes walk into a building……….you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message – "…If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key…"
3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off".
7. I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a muscle.
8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I’ll give you some cream to put on it."
11. "Doc I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It’s not unusual."
12. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let’s have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I’m going to have to put him down." "What? Because he’s cross-eyed?" "No, because he’s really heavy"
13. Guy goes into the doctor’s. "Doc, I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How’s that?" "Don’t you start."
14. Two elephants walk off a cliff…boom, boom!
15. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
16. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it."
17. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
18. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
19. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
20. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice."
21. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I’ve hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don’t go there anymore"
22. Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
Whoa! LOL!!! How’d you get so many great jokes! Thanks! YOU made my day! 
1. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
2. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
3. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
5. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
6. Two termites walk into a bar. One asked, "Is the bar tender here."
A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned.
Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist’s novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication!
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it’s just kiln time.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Two blondes walk into a building……….you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message – "…If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key…"
3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off".
7. I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a muscle.
8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I’ll give you some cream to put on it."
11. "Doc I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It’s not unusual."
12. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let’s have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I’m going to have to put him down." "What? Because he’s cross-eyed?" "No, because he’s really heavy"
13. Guy goes into the doctor’s. "Doc, I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How’s that?" "Don’t you start."
14. Two elephants walk off a cliff…boom, boom!
15. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
16. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it."
17. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
18. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
19. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
20. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice."
21. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I’ve hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don’t go there anymore"
22. Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
LOL.
Two blondes walk into a building……….you’d think at least one of
them would have seen it.
Phone answering machine message – "…If you want to buy marijuana,
press the hash key…"
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Cling wrap for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts."
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find
any.
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can’t, I’ve cut your arms off".
I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a muscle.
Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have found 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night
O.K. thanks but I am confused by the reference to the late great Tommy Cooper.
The Fire Resistant Army Combat Uniform-Permethrin (FR
ACU-P) has the same design and base FR fabrics as the FR
ACU, but is also factory-treated with insect and tick protection.
The FR ACU-P consists of a jacket and trousers in the Universal
Camouflage Pattern. The FR ACU-P was developed to provide
Soldiers a uniform with built-in protection against bothersome
or disease-carrying insects and ticks. The permethrin treatment
will continue to provide protection throughout the life of the
uniform.
Duration : 0:3:58
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Technorati Tags: army, PEO Soldier, PM SCIE, PM SPIE, soldier, UNIFORM
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything."
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It’s Not Unusual."
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don’t believe you," says Dolly. "It’s true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.
Thanks Jackie. Nice joke lol
some good jokes there.
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab o f asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It’s Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don’t believe you," says Dolly. "It’s true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good).. a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
At least ten of these made me laugh! You should take up gag-writing as a profession, seriously!
Der erste Teil des Projekts ‘Ghillie Suit Anleitung’. Eigentlich sollte an dem Wochenende das GhillieTreffen stattfinden. Aber da sich dann doch zu wenig Interessen angemeldet haben, haben wir dann beschlossen, ein Anleitungsvideo zu drehen. In diesem Teil zeigen wir, was du an Ausrüstung brauchst, wie du ein Spektiv tarnen kannst und mehr.
Duration : 0:7:0
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Technorati Tags: 200, 720p, airsoft, anpirschen, ausrüstung, camouflage, crawl, definition, facepaint, gear, ghillie, gloves, guns, hdc-sd, high, ho, hunting, krichen, milsim, nature, outdoors, panasonic, panzerkombi, qualität, scharfschütze, schleichen, schminken, schuhe, skirmish, sniper, spektiv, stalk, suit, tarnanzug, tarnen, tarnschminke, tips & tricks, to, tutorial, war games, Warfare, zweiteiler
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I’ve lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I’m positive…"
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I’ll serve
you, but don’t start anything."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"
A man complains, "Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green
Grass of Home.’"
"That’s the Tom Jones Syndrome," explains the doc.
"Is it common?" asks the man.
"It’s Not Unusual," says the doc.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit
a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can’t have your kayak and
heat it too!
Two cows are standing in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was
artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don’t believe you," said Dolly.
"It’s true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to look at, either.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog’s
cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do?"
"Let’s have a look at him." says the vet. So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes. Finally, he says "I’m going to have to put him down."
"Just because he’s cross-eyed?" asks the man.
"No, because he’s really heavy," says the vet.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn’t find any.
I went to the butcher’s and wanted to bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
too high."
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!" The doctor replied,
"I know — I cut off your arms!"
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
LOL. good stuff! Brightened up an otherwise dreary morning.
hi guys this is my gear and only for the moment
the gun im getting:http://www.mainirishairsoft.com/scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=462
my other video : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOe6IWhohkg
Duration : 0:2:47
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